In the last three days, I've had new experiences that have taught me new things about this idea of surrender.
My original concept of surrender matched the dictionary definition pretty closely:
To relinquish possession or control of something to another because of demand or compulsion.
To give up in favor of another, especially voluntarily.
To abandon. Ex: surrender all hope.
To me, surrender felt most like giving up control, but almost as if it were a forced surrender. Something I didn’t get a choice in.
In movies and books, we often see surrender as an action taken when there's no other alternative or pathway forward. When all seems lost and there are no other options.
I found myself in that space about two weeks ago regarding a new opportunity I wanted to be part of. I just couldn't see how to make it work without turning my back on my responsibilities and the things that were important and of value to me. Hard to do when this new opportunity was of value to me as well.
I was in a space of "there are no options left" and "I don't have an answer." I started to grieve.
My decision was to turn to Spirit and say, in my grief: "I put this in your hands. I don't know how to make it work, but my head and my heart feel the calling. My soul wants this. Please make it happen if it's meant for me."
This is the key part that changed my definition of surrender.
I let it be.
I really let it be.
I turned back to my responsibilities and other desires. I focused on what was in front of me and released control of how things would work out. Honestly, I didn't think about it much, other than to feel the grief. I truly felt like it was a missed opportunity and that it was over.
What came two weeks later was divinely orchestrated by Spirit.
I was contacted and offered a new path toward my desire.
It didn't require me to ignore my responsibilities. It didn't stretch me in a way that was unsustainable. It was exactly the answer to my heart's call to Spirit.
And it all happened so fast!
Fifteen minutes later, after a couple of occasions of joyful crying, I was in the new experience and looking at how quickly my path had veered in a new direction.
In meditation, I shared my immense gratitude with the Universe and my guides. I thanked them with my whole heart and soul for the rearranging of the threads and shared my heart's joy with them. I shared with them a promise that what I learned and gained through this experience, I would share and use to support those who need and desire it.
Their response was lighthearted. I even heard, "Get in there, b*tch! You need to be a part of it."
They showed me that the desires of the soul are sacred. That I was being called to this, and they made sure I would be part of it.
They also confirmed: Surrender is TRUST.
Trust and conviction that the desire placed in your heart and soul is meant to take form. What is meant for you will find a way.
It's melting into trust. It's saying, "I don't have the answers or know the path forward, but I feel this is calling me. I trust that a path will be provided."
It was a wild day. A fast day!
And then, just two days later, I had another lesson about surrender.
I woke up from a bad dream that had a theme of danger and attack. The emotions and threat present in the dream mirrored an experience from years ago.
I don't know why that morning was the morning, but I felt in my body and heart that it was time.
I slipped out of bed to stretch a bit on the floor before sitting in front of a mirror, as I often have done for mirror work.
I looked at myself and simply witnessed.
As I gazed at myself, I started to see what my body was holding onto. What I had been grasping. The theme from the dream, the event from the past, was being grasped and pulled into the present moment.
I hadn't let go. Not fully, not yet.
So much energy work, work in the Akashic Records, and bodywork had already been done. The emotional releases were numerous, and the mindset work was strong. But there was an imprint of the past that I just hadn't resolved.
The event was charged, but I didn't feel like the NOW version of me wanted to carry that charge anymore. The things I had been bringing forward from the past were no longer worth carrying.
I was tired of carrying it.
I felt peace and calmness when I thought about letting it drop away. Holding onto something from the past no longer felt like a helpful warning or a way to prevent it from happening again. It felt like it was simply holding me in the past.
While feeling immense calmness and peace, my shoulders dropped, and I felt the release.
The intensity, the signal of danger in my body, and the charge were gone.
If I think about the past again, I feel neutral. I feel trust in how things will play out. I feel protected and so far removed from the event.
That, too, is surrender.
"I drop this stone from my soul. I see it, I witness it, I have peace with it, and I release it."
No crying was needed to process. There was no overwhelm in my body. It was simply time to let it flow and let it go.
That's what I'm relearning about surrender.
Surrender is trusting that what is meant for you will find its way to you, even when you can't see how. Trusting that the divine desire in your heart has meaning and is heard by the Universe.
Other times, surrender is recognizing what you've been carrying and deciding you no longer need to carry it or finding you no longer want that sitting on your soul.
One is about releasing control. The other is about releasing your grasp.
Neither requires force, planning, or action.
Both ask you to trust. Both ask you to flow.
To soften your grip. To allow. To understand that you don't have to solve the puzzle, hold everything together, or carry everything with you.
Surrender isn't giving up.